Missing Something

Claire L O V E S snow! I did however purchase some inexpensive fleece mittens to protect her paws from long term damage. However, the way she kicks up her heels in the deep snow makes it very easy to lose one. My ever watchful eye looks for anything missing as she leaps and bounds through the powdery tundra.

She also can sense smells deep under the snow and will bury her face to find the source. It took one time to figure out how to breathe properly, after coughing up the glitter during her first attempt! Her face looks hilarious, like one of those games where you find the white life saver in the container of flour ... by using your face!

I have noticed that both of us are having a bit of an identity crisis now that we are on our own. We have become so accustomed to sharing life with Kate and Sam, that creating our own routine without them has left her not knowing who she is. Once we stop back by for a romp and visit with our old companions, Claire realizes just who she is suppose to be and how she is suppose to act.

For me too, I have realized that I have been going through a gradual identity crisis. I have always had a clear picture of who I would be when I grew up and that it was just a matter of time before that identity would be fulfilled. I had planned to use my time 'in the meantime' with worthwhile endeavors that invested in the present moment while preparing for the future. My most satisfying and rewarding, even challenging times have been these moments of living now with the future in view.

Now, I realize that the future dreams I had anticipated, those of anchoring a home as wife and mother will likely never be achieved. There are no children around to practice with, only the childlike behaviour that co-workers exhibit. There are no relationships to practice faithfulness and diligence and resolution, only a dominating employer that is unreasonable, uncommunicative, unloving, unsatisfied, and ungiving.

It is with sorrow that I have had to come to this reconing; this is my life, the only one I have. Though I have willingly and cheerfully invested in the here and now, it has been challenging to swallow the bitter tears of grief of something I imagine to be missing from my life. I do however, recognize GOD's sovereignty and that He has something greater in mind than I thought I was preparing for. Ultimately, everything I do is for GOD's glory, so whether I am a President or a peasant, it matters not when it is woven into the fabric of GOD's purpose.

It is all a beautiful perspective. The best part is that nothing is missing, unless I withhold the yielding of my will.